The COVID-19 Pandemic Was Just A Practice Run For A Zombie Apocalypse Scenario — Did We Pass Or Fail?
Hint: It’s not good
When the pandemic kicked off in 2020, I think we learned a few things as a nation. First and foremost, we found out that we were woefully unprepared for a “doomsday” scenario. Luckily, the COVID-19 pandemic was just a glimpse into what that would look like, not the global catastrophe many of us anticipated it would be in the beginning…thank god!
I think it’s important to look at the last year and apply some lessons learned into preparing for these types of scenarios in the future. Not only from a national perspective, but for our immediate families as well. From my view, here are the three things I learned about Americans during COVID-19.
We were too worried about toilet paper
Three items I couldn't get for a while: toilet paper, paper towels, and flour. I guess people were worried about wiping their ass and baking cookies. Luckily, I was able to buy two pounds of flour in a convenience store in town. Did I turn-around and sell them for $50 a pop…uh, no.
I thought about it though.
I also had to purchase some “shop towels” at the local AutoZone. Ya know, disposal towels mechanics use to wipe their hands of grease and oil. Let’s just say the first month of the pandemic stores were out of toilet paper and paper towels, Woods-family butts weren't happy campers.
We have no “chill” during a crisis
People seriously need to take a chill pill. The amount of chaos that ensued after the realization that we were all in the midst of a global pandemic was a little ridiculous. People scrambled to buy ammo, guns, bottled water…and toilet paper?
To the lady at Walmart who had 5 shopping carts full of Charmin who wouldn't share with me: I hope your butthole gets chapped and the store runs out of baby powder.
After realizing people could still work, albeit with restrictions, life seemed to get back to some semblance of normalcy. Obviously, life will look a little different from this point forward.
Even during a crisis, America values personal liberties
America showed the world what makes us great, whether people like it or not. First, we don’t like being told what to do.
Wear a mask? Go fu** yourself.
We complied eventually, but you have to make us think its our idea or that we have some control of our actions.
What was the compromise? We got to choose what type and design of mask that we wear. Now, you see masks of different colors, designs, political statements, etc. Hell, people wear their damn underwear on their face if they want -’Murica.
Think I’m bullshittin’? The picture below is a guy I saw in Walmart in March.
Remember seeing the Chinese and other countries in the news? Everybody across the globe were wearing regular masks. REGULAR MASKS.
Not America, nooooooo. We’ve got to be different. We have to make our own masks. We have to draw pictures on our masks.
It’s a interesting observation, but an important one. Even during a crisis, we value our individual rights. Studies show that other countries across the globe are more compliant to government mandates. Not America, we don’t like being told what to do.
If the zombie apocalypse were to happen, don’t bank on Americans complying with mandates…it wont happen. Because of the expected chaos and break-down of society, we all will have to focus on protecting our individual families.
My Family Would Be Screwed
I’m not gunna lie, if the zombie apocalypse ever kicked off, my family would be fu**** for a number of reasons. Probably the most glaring reason is we can barely keep food in the house on a $500 grocery budget…for two weeks — We are a family of six. My kids are human garbage disposals, aside from my two youngest.
There’s no way we would be able to stockpile that much food to sustain us for a number of years, besides the fact that my middle son refuses to eat anything except hot Cheetos and macaroni and cheese.
I swear, dinner everyday is a struggle. I don’t understand how he refuses to eat anything that has nothing to do with Cheetos, macaroni, cheese, or a combination of any of the three. Its not like we have only feed him these three foods over the course of his life. On top of that, he doesn’t have these foods very often…he just wants them.
I have no idea how we got here.
Another glaring reason we would almost certainly die is two of my kids are under the age of eight. If we had to physically run from a zombie horde, we would have to sacrifice at LEAST the two youngest kids to satisfy the horde, while the rest of the family runs away (they don’t run fast at all). I can only carry so many kids because I only have two hands.
Judge me all you want, but should we all die? No, you’re a horrible person if you don’t consider sacrificing the weak for the survival of the rest of your family.
Don’t be selfish.
Secondly, my family has a plethora of medical conditions that require a number of medications. If we don’t have a stockpile before the zombies come, we have about 90 days until the medications run out. When that time comes we might as well just hold in place until the zombie horde overruns us.
Again, we’ve identified the weak to satisfy the horde in order to expedite the escape of the rest of the family. In this case, we leave behind the pill-poppers. It’s too risky to be doing runs into town to find medication everyday.
I've seen “The Walking Dead.” That’s a no-go.
Our Plan For Survival
The only way we can survive is to buy a house out in the country. Ideally, we will have a stockpile of dry consumables, guns, ammo, and a way to collect rain water.
The house would have to be defensible against raiders after society breaks down. We would have to find a way to concoct medications from herbs and other natural resources.
I laughed at the “prepper” shows. But, I think they were on to something.
What do you fear most? The zombies or the humans?
